Being Single Minded
Download MP3So happy Valentine's Day, everybody. Personally, I I like to just recommend that we drop Valentine's Day and have 2 Saint Patrick's Days instead, but that's outside of my control. I I I guess when you were little, Valentine's Day was, pretty fun. You know, you got to decorate the shoe boxes, give out the handmade valentines, get some candy. I don't know if you could do that now during the pandemic, but once you grow up, you either get depressed, if you're not dating anyone, or perhaps, you know, you feel really awkward because you've only been dating somebody a month, and then, and then what do you do?
Joel Brooks:I mean there's a lot of pressure on that day. Lauren and I, we don't really celebrate Valentine's Day, because for us every day is Valentine's. Actually, I I did give her a a Valentine's gift 1 year. I bought her a vacuum. No lie.
Joel Brooks:It was red, but it was really a gift to both of us and we we both actually that's what we wanted. But as most of you know, Valentine's Day has become known as Single Awareness Day or abbreviated as SAD, Single Awareness Day. And so I I thought it would be as good a time as any to address what the Bible has to say about being single. Last week when I announced I was gonna preach on godly singleness, one of the other pastors, let me know that, he overheard a bunch of college students as they were going back to their car. One of the guys say, godly singleness?
Joel Brooks:No thanks. There is a lot that you could unpack about that statement right there, But I guess it, you know, mostly mostly what needs to be unpacked is that this person apparently thinks that godliness and happiness are at odds with one another, But nothing could be further from the truth. God is the most happy being in the universe, and He is literally bound His happiness up with our eternal happiness. So God is certainly all for our happiness, and to pursue Him is to receive that. But if you are still here whoever yelled that out, just so you know, for you I did change sermon title.
Joel Brooks:It's no longer on godly singleness, but it is on being single-minded. Because I do hope that our singles here, they will see that their singleness, as an incredible opportunity to be single-minded in their devotion and in service to God. And then I hope for us who are married that they will be mindful of the singles we have and that they would welcome them into their family, because the Lord has truly blessed our church with many singles. So our text this morning is from 1st Corinthians 7. I wasn't gonna read all of chapter 7 because it but it is cold.
Joel Brooks:I'm gonna read just the 1 verses that are there before you in the worship guide, beginning in verse 8. To the unmarried and the widows, I say that it is good for them to remain single as I am. But if they cannot exercise self control then they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion. Now concerning the betrothed, I have no command from the Lord, but I give My judgment as one who by the Lord's mercy is trustworthy. I think that in view of this present distress it is good for a person to remain as he is.
Joel Brooks:Are you bound to a wife? Do not seek to be free. Are you free from a wife? Do not seek a wife, but if you marry you have not sinned, and if a betrothed woman marries she has not sinned, Yet those who marry will have worldly troubles, and I would spare you that. This is what I mean, brothers.
Joel Brooks:The appointed time has grown very short. From now on, let those who have wives live as though they had none, and those who mourn as though they were not mourning, and those who rejoice as though they were not rejoicing, as those who buy as though they had no goods, and those who deal with the world as though they had no dealings with it. For the present form of this world is passing away. I want you to be free from anxieties. The unmarried man is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to please the Lord.
Joel Brooks:But the married man is anxious about worldly things, how to please his wife, and his interests are divided. And the unmarried or betrothed woman is anxious about the things of the Lord, How to be holy in body and spirit, but the married woman is anxious about worldly things. How to please her husband. I say this for your own benefit, not to lay any restraint upon you, but to promote good order and to secure your undivided devotion to the Lord. If anyone thinks that he is not behaving properly towards his betrothed, if his passions are strong, and it has to be, let him do as he wishes.
Joel Brooks:Let them marry, it is no sin. But whoever is firmly established in his heart being under no necessity, but having his desire under control and has determined this in his heart to keep her as his betrothed, he will do well. So then he who marries his betrothed does well, and he who refrains from marriage will do even better. A wife is bound to her husband as long as he lives, but if her husband dies, she is free to be married to whom she wishes, only in the Lord. Yet in my judgment, she is happier if she remains as she is and I think that I too have the the spirit of God.
Joel Brooks:This is the word of the Lord. Pray with me. Father, the reason that we are gathered here together on this cold day is so that we might hear from you. So we do ask that you would speak. My words are death.
Joel Brooks:Your words are life. So I pray that my words would fall to the ground and blow away and not be remembered anymore. The lord, may your words remain and may they change us. We pray this in the strong name of Jesus. Amen.
Joel Brooks:So the words that we just read were revolutionary for their time. In Paul's day growing up and deciding not to get married was simply not an option, especially if you were a woman. Most marriages were arranged at this time and and girls were normally married off between the ages of 12 to 14, which meant pretty much everyone was married. It it was even virtually required by law at this point. Julius Caesar, he actually passed the law that said, if you were a woman and you got divorced or you were widowed, then you had to get remarried within 2 years or you would be fined.
Joel Brooks:And the reason was this, because women, who were single had no real ways of supporting themselves outside of prostitution. But then here comes along Christianity. And for the first time in human history, there is now a religion, there's now a group of people who say that remaining single is a legitimate option. More than that, it's in some ways a preferable option. Paul says in verse 7 that he wishes everyone was single just like him, remaining unmarried became a legitimate option for Christians.
Joel Brooks:Mostly for these two reasons, actually for many reasons, but I'm just going to give you 2. 1st was that Christians treated one another like family. A single or widowed woman did not have to fear starvation or go into prostitution just in order to put food onto the table because other Christians would take care of her. Other Christians would treat her like she was their sister. In other words, what this means is to remain single no longer meant to remain alone when you were a Christian.
Joel Brooks:With the deep relationships of the church, real protection was provided, real intimacy was provided for those who would be single. A second reason, that remaining single became a legitimate option is that Christians no longer felt this enormous pressure to produce heirs. You you didn't have to have children in order for your name to live on after you were gone. Christians believe something remarkable. They believe that they would be resurrected, that they would live forever, that they didn't have to have children to carry on their name.
Joel Brooks:And because of these two beliefs remaining single became an acceptable part of Christian life, even sometimes preferable. Now to those of you here who are married, I hope you hear in this a charge to you. A charge as to how you should treat your single brothers and sisters. How you need to open up your lives to them, you need to open up your homes to those who are unmarried. In my household, the the the Brooks household, the majority of our Christmases and thanksgivings together, we have invited different singles to come and to be a part of that.
Joel Brooks:And we've had some people say, woah, that I mean, do you feel weird about that? That's that's supposed to be family time, and our response is always exactly it is. And Jesus Christ has made us family. The way that we love for and we care for our singles is actually a powerful testimony to the world as to just exactly what the blood of Jesus has accomplished, and He has unified us and He has made us a family that will endure for eternity. Now before I I continue on preaching on singleness, I probably need to define what I mean by singleness.
Joel Brooks:Because if you have a bad definition of singleness, this might lead you to say some dumb things like, it's just so hard to be single in the South. I mean I understand you feel pressure in the South to get married, I mean, maybe if if you're a girl you have heard, so how is it that you could be such a wonderful girl and still remain single? Or if you're a man, why do your parents keep saying, son, I don't know what's wrong with you. You need to find a wife. I mean we paid all of that money for you to go to Sanford and there was like 3 girls for every guy, certainly you could have found someone.
Joel Brooks:Any of you ever get those questions from well intentioned people? Have any of you ever who are single ever fantasized about moving out of the South, maybe going to New York City, or some place up North where you would be anonymous among the 1,000,000 and millions of singles there. I mean once you get outside of the Bible Belt, no one bats an eye at a 35 year old single person. I I have found that singles here in Birmingham are constantly fighting this urge to escape the bible belt and move up north where they think they will just blend in or they go the opposite route and they say, well, I might as well just give in. I'm gonna move to Nashville and find a spouse, because that's apparently where you go to find, a husband or wife.
Joel Brooks:If you've had these thoughts, you need to know that a Christian single would absolutely not blend in in New York City, absolutely not blend in outside of the Bible Belt because your singleness should look way different than the world's view of singleness. If you are not a Christian, then singleness is actually something that is selfishly desired because you think that it will provide you with the opportunity to do whatever you want. You know since you're unattached you can pursue your career, you can travel, you could go to the gym twice a day, you could play Call of Duty till past midnight, you could bar hop every weekend, give in to every pleasure, do whatever you want and then of course you can have sex. For the non Christian, sex is not attached to marriage. Being single is actually the time you go and you pursue it.
Joel Brooks:You go and you sow your wild oats. You have sex in the city, that's what is promoted. This however is not how Christians defined singleness. We might be using the same word as the world, but we have 2 completely different definitions. For the non Christian, singleness is selfish and it is sex filled, but for the Christian singleness is selfless and it is sexless.
Joel Brooks:And Paul outlines both of these for us here in 1st Corinthians 7. Now if you think being selfless and being sexless sounds extremely hard to do, then you are right. You are absolutely right. This is why the rest of the world cannot even imagine it. This is why Tim Tebow if you would remember, sometimes he would get asked questions even after a game not about football, but about his sex life, and they would ask, are you a virgin?
Joel Brooks:Because they saw his virginity is actually being a more of an extreme accomplishment than what he was doing on the football field. And I remember the first time he was asked that question and and everybody was kind of shocked at how inappropriate it was, and there were a few giggles, there were a few gasp, and Tim Tebow said he didn't mind, he goes, I'll answer that, and he said, yes, I'm a virgin. And then he looked around he goes, and why am I the most comfortable guy in this room? There is something about the way he was living and keeping his purity there that was, well it was extraordinary. And it pointed, to the fact that Jesus has made a claim for him, claim on him that his body was bought with a price and he's gonna glorify God with his body.
Joel Brooks:This is what God has called us to who are single. Now it is hard without a doubt remaining single is hard and it's the world can't recognize it nor should we expect them to recognize how you could possibly do it, and it's because they do not have the engine that we have to enable us to live this lifestyle. They do not have the Holy Spirit. Of course, they cannot imagine living such a way. They do not have the power to live such a way.
Joel Brooks:But as Christians, we've been given the Holy Spirit and one of the fruits of the Holy Spirit is self control. God has not given you an impossible lifestyle here. And if you think he has and he greatly underestimate both his power and the joy that he gives to those who seek to live a life pleasing to him. If you understand your singleness properly, you will see it as a call to a joyful mission. I mean we've been reading through Philippians and and Paul is writing from prison, all he's writing about is joy joy joy, and Paul was single.
Joel Brooks:And of course, our Lord and savior Jesus remained single during his earthly life. I I do wanna say if this is something an area of your life that you have certainly messed up in and fallen in, that there is forgiveness to be found. There is complete restoration to be found through the blood of Jesus. Jesus does His blood does not forgive partially. He does not restore you partially, but you are fully made clean and the new life is certainly offered to you.
Joel Brooks:Now the reason that Paul thinks the single life is preferable is because he thinks you can now be single-minded in your devotion to Jesus. He he talks about this in the verses we just read. He talks about how if, you were unmarried you could just be anxious about the things of the Lord or you're only thinking by things of the Lord, but if you're having to think about a wife and children or you're having to think about your husband and your children. In other words, Paul is saying, if you're single you could be single-minded or undivided in your devotion to the Lord, but you can't do that if you're married. He's not saying if you're married you cannot live a life to the glory of God, because he absolutely can and he unpacks that in the other places in scripture.
Joel Brooks:Ephesians 5, he unpacks that beautifully, but that's not what he's talking about here. His point is this, if you do get married it gets complicated. You always have to be thinking of your decisions in light of how it affects your spouse, how it affects your children. But the life of someone who has chosen to remain single is less complicated. You have more freedom, You have more time.
Joel Brooks:You can take greater risk. Paul for instance, he was able to travel long distances. He could be gone for years at a time, he could risk his life. He could not have done that if he had a wife and children that were depending upon him to take care of them. And this is personally why he thinks it's preferable to be single.
Joel Brooks:You have so much more freedom that you can devote to service to the Lord. A few years back, I got to have a a brief conversation with Tim Keller and, he's the pastor used to be the pastor of Redeemer Presbyterian in New York City, and his church there was about 70% single. And he he mentioned that And, and after he said that he goes, you know, but of course that was a that's a total anomaly for a church to have that many singles. It was just a really unique work as to what the Lord was doing. He goes, you would never find that any place out any place else, you certainly wouldn't find that any place in the south.
Joel Brooks:I said, well, actually, our the church I pastor is named Redeemer as well, and we have got a lot of singles. As a matter of fact, we have about 900 singles who are a part of our church. Doctor Keller couldn't believe that. He said in the South? It's like, yes.
Joel Brooks:And he said, Do you realize the mission potential that is at your church If you could get your singles to actually grab hold of the mission that God has laid before them, your entire city could be transformed. And I believe that. If our singles will embrace the mission, if they will use their singleness to be single-minded in their devotion for the Lord, I believe Birmingham can be transformed. Okay. So how do you know if this is for you?
Joel Brooks:How do you know if you're called to be single? Well, first let me address one thing. If you're married, you're not called to be single. Okay. Let me just go ahead and say that clearly.
Joel Brooks:If you're married, you not called to be single. If you are single, then you are 100% called into singleness at least for now. In other words, your current singleness is a part of God's plan for your life and you need to seek to honor Him during this season. But here can be the hard part, here can be the rub. You might not actually be gifted for it.
Joel Brooks:Paul, he talks about in verse 70, he actually describes his singleness as a gift of the Holy Spirit. The question is this, how do you know if you have the gift of singleness or not? I I I know it's it's cold out here. I know we're having to meet outside. Normally, I I end the sermon about this time and these conditions, but I actually think this is something really important that we need to spend a little bit of time on.
Joel Brooks:This needs to be addressed because there is a harmful teaching out there concerning singleness that says, if you are single then God has gifted you with singleness. In the past, I think I've actually taught that and I regret that to those who I I mentioned that to because that can be a very damaging notion. Some of you have been under operating underneath this notion for a while now and quite frankly, it has been crushing to you. Because you keep thinking, well if I've got this gift of singleness, shouldn't it be easier? I mean, why am I struggling so much and being single?
Joel Brooks:Why am I seeing so little fruit in my singleness? Why is it so hard for me? And you've come to believe it's because there's something wrong with you. Perhaps you're not trusting God enough, that's why your singleness is so hard. And as a result, you you struggle with this constant state of guilt.
Joel Brooks:And I've met with many singles who have felt this way. They will they will tell me you know how thankful they are. They're thankful to God for the season they're in and how their singleness is really such a gift to them. And this has happened on multiple occasions. As they are telling me this they start tearing up.
Joel Brooks:Then they get embarrassed and said, I I'm I'm not even sure why I'm crying, I'm really fine, I'm really content in my singleness, and then the dam just breaks and they just start pouring out the tears. Then they confess, well usually I am fine, but there are times where it's really hard to be content. And I want you to know if you're single and this is how you often feel, that is okay. That is absolutely okay to feel that way. Because what you need to understand is that although right now you're 100% called to singleness, that's not the same thing as being gifted for singleness.
Joel Brooks:For instance, as Christians, we're all called to share our faith, but not all of us had the gift of evangelism. As Christians, we're all called to be generous with our money, but not all of us had the gift of giving. We are actually called to do many things as Christians that we are not supernaturally gifted for and this can be certainly true of singleness. If you're single then right now you're called to be single and it might be a lifetime calling, but it does not automatically mean that you're gifted for it. Those who are gifted as singleness they seem to be more suited for it, and we know people who have this gift.
Joel Brooks:It's easier for them, they see more fruit in it, it's like they were made for this. And they're certainly living into that singleness in a different way than those who are just called into singleness. So if you are single and it's hard for you, don't beat yourself up saying, why am I not enjoying God's gift more? You might not be gifted in it, And it's okay to acknowledge that you're living into this calling but it's hard for you. Giving my money away is hard for me.
Joel Brooks:It's hard for me because I don't have a gift of giving, but I'm living into that calling and I'm trying to be faithful into it, and so I do give my money away. And I fight for joy in doing so, and joy does come. Because joy is a fruit of the spirit, it's not a gift of the spirit. And so joy comes as we grow in the Lord. Alright.
Joel Brooks:So if you're single you're called, but how do you know if you're actually gifted? How do you know if you do have a gift of singleness? Well we're not entirely sure. This isn't true just of a gift of singleness. Paul really doesn't explain any of the gifts.
Joel Brooks:He just says the gifts are out there, he names them and then he just kinda walks away. He doesn't really give, much teaching about them or explain what they are, and he doesn't do that with singleness. But he does give us some hints. In verses 36 to 38, he does seem to indicate this, that if you have a strong sexual desire, if you have a strong sexual desire, then likely you are not gifted for singleness, but you should pursue marriage. It's actually very similar to what he said in verse 9 when he said, it's it's better to marry than to burn in passion.
Joel Brooks:Now this isn't the whole equation here, this is just a part of the equation. You can't just say, I've got sexual desire, I need to marry. No. Well, you need to marry a believer, you need to marry somebody you're equally yoked to, you need to marry somebody that the Lord is calling you to. There's many other things.
Joel Brooks:Sexual desire is just a part of the equation there that you should take into account, but it can be an indicator. And I would also think that just desire in general can be a good indicator. If if you have a desire to be married, then perhaps you don't have the gift of singleness. And if this is you, if you are one of the singles out here who know you're you're called into singleness, but you do desire marriage, then what Paul is asking you do to do, what the Lord is asking you to do is to live faithfully into your calling now, Live faithfully into your singleness, while at the same time pursue marriage, But you need to be intentional with both. Don't dally around.
Joel Brooks:Don't waste time. Singleness is not a time for selfishness to do whatever you want. You need to be intentional with your singleness. And if you're pursuing marriage, you need to be intentional in that as well. And for those of you who are married, can we all commit to come alongside and to help our singles live out their calling?
Joel Brooks:Can we all commit to making sure our singles know that although they are single, they are certainly not alone, but we recognize them as brothers and sisters and that they are to be a part of our lives and part of our families. If we do so, it's a powerful testimony as to exactly who Jesus is and what he has purchased through his blood. If you would pray with me, let's pray for our singles. Father, I thank you for the tremendous way you have gifted our church with so many here who are single. I pray that we would love them well, we would serve them well, we would welcome them into our homes and in our lives, And lord, we pray for them that they would faithfully live into their calling, that they would be selfless and sexless in the way that they serve you, and that their lives will be so markedly different that the world would notice.
Joel Brooks:May the world notice how they live differently and may they notice how those who are married in our church love them differently than the rest of the world. We thank you Jesus for what you have bought with your blood which is this family we have before us. A family that endures forever. We love you and we pray this in your name, amen.
